Daryl's blog

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

It's a long time since i last posted. School reopened. 6 and a half more weeks to semester holidays. But everything seems to be going into the pits.

I always thought that this problem between us will not affect me anymore. Not like in the past. I wanna make sure personal matters do not affect my school/work life. But it seems like my friends are right. The problems are subconsciously making me slower and slower. Im getting affected. Shit...

I really don't understand. Why are you doing things like this suddenly. Seriously sometimes u make me think that you really zzzz. Why have you changed so much. Why are you ignoring me nowadays. Why are you treating me worse than a friend. Why do you talk to me in such hostility. Why do you get angry over me with such small matters. Why are you so petty over small things. Why don't you tell me anything. If you are gonna be like that with me, why didn't you wanna break up for the moment like i suggested that night. You said you haven't make up your mind. You said you didn't thought of that before. Are you sure????? You said you don't wanna break up yet cos you still wanna give chances. So give chances..... by doing such shitty things on me? Seriously, please go and think. Think of the way you treat people. Or rather, think of the way you treat me. Is it justified? You don't like to do things you don't wanna do. So why do you keep making me do that?

it's not like I wanna break up or what. Sometimes you really make me think that you really changed too much. Even when I'm feeling down or something, I just wanna talk to you. Just a simple chat, or looking at the stuffs you are shopping online. These small, little simple things will cheer me up too. But what do i get? You tell me not to bother you when I'm sian, when I'm tired, when I'm angry or whatever. Is this what a girlfriend should say to a boyfriend when he is feeling down? Even if you don't wanna listen to my downs, can't you at least like tell me? In stead of saying that it will make you moodless or change you mood or whatever nonsense.

Even after doing all these, you still expect me to change to give you what I want. You are right in front of me, but yet I don't recognise you at all. Where is the you I loved ages ago. I know that ou think I'm not the same too. But do I do all these to you? Do i treat you the way you treated me? I really don't know.

There was once when its so 'yuan wang' for me. It's not I wanna show off or whatever. I knew you had trouble writing essays. I knew you had trouble with grammar sometimes. I wanna help you improve. I just merely correct a spelling mistake. You shot me back. Saying I made you feel useless or whatever. Like O.O??? I'm helping you to improve, why are you shooting me down? I even said it in a proper way, not in a sarcastic or egoistic way, and I got such a return. Seriously I don't understand you these days.

Seriously hope this thing will stop affecting my school. I wanna concentrate on my remaining semesters. I wanna get my distinctions that I missed out from year 1 til now. I wanna get my overseas SIP. I wanna get my competition wins. I wanna get my 1K into 10K. I wanna get my driving license and my own car before I get into the army. I wanna prove to all who thought I can't do it or discourage me to do it. I wanna prove to my very own brother that he is not better than me.

I know this is a shitty post but who cares. No1 comes to read it anyway. This page where you once set up with me, do you still visit it? Is it going to turn into a page where I throw all my troubles in? Is it going to turn into a page where I post all my achievements? I really don't know.

1. Going through a tiring school routine now, with numerous submissions every week. NUMEROUS until even the lecturers themselves said they gonna postpone the submissions -.-

2. Going through a rough time with my ex group mates now. Totally like friends into disacquaintance.

Door's opening soon for me. I hope I don't even need to open this door. ZZZ Some things never changed. I still love you. But I can't stand the way you treat me/do things.

Bye. ignore this post

7:41 AM