Saturday, January 26, 2008
ME
Yes im me. its difficult to change it. furthermore with this character of mine, i tend to give in, to conform, rather than to rebutt or dissent. With this character of mine, i tend to be more forgiving and im able to forget damn easily. With this character of mine, i tend to be more sensitive, in a way i worry a lot about how people will feel/think. With this character of mine, i tend to forget what i do or say before in the past. Maybe its with this character of mine that it made u think im not mature enough for u, be it inside or outside. But are u mature enough also? i shall not touch on that.You had been saying that im pissing u off these days. Whenever we talk, it also ended up like tat. But why? im only saying how i feel. don i have the right to say tat out? to defend myself to a certain extent? seriously im just only giving in. i don wanna say much cos i know i wont gain anything from it. i always type/key in stuffs, den ended up changing the words cos i think its too harsh. Maybe my character is too soft. But who cares, im cool with it.I cant communicate with u anymore. You think im pissing u off everytime too. But what am i supposed to do if i cant communicate with u anymore? i really do not know. Let's be friends instead. It's for the better of us. I really dare not take this chance that ur giving me. what if next time when we are better, and the same thing happens again. furthermore i will be 'camping' in school soon, and im also going into NS soon. And ur having ur As. With a weak relationship, we wont last through these periods too. This weak character of mine is kicking in again. I seriously hate myself for not having the courage to believe in us.Nevertheless, I really appreciate that i met a person like u. U opened me to many new sights. U taught me many new things. U made me changed for the better at some points. I'm sorry i cant accompany u past your A levels. I'm sorry for turning u from a cheerful girl full of hopes into some1 u are now. I don think u wan me to be there on ur 18th birthday. I think my parents really thought that we will be together til marriage. But it seems like maybe we really don't click that perfectly.Sincerely, thanks for stepping into my life and being part of it. Thanks for all the care and concern u gave to me. Thanks for all the words u said to me. Thanks for all the time u spent with me. Thanks for everything u done/are doing for me, whether i know it or not. Thanks for everything. May we still be good friends who will confide in each other....... Please at least remain as a fren with me.
Will i regret this?
I don't want to do this at all. But i know that ur very tired and very sicked of everything now. i know ur feeling very down at this period of time. but if i don do this, u will end up feeling worst. im feeling very sad now, but maybe i deserve it. for not being a good bf, a good supporter, a good confider. I still love you. But nothing i say will help salvage the r/s cos i just cant do it right....... We shall see in time to come, if fate allows it........
10:09 AM
Monday, January 21, 2008
lol week 4 this year. which means 4 more weeks left to 1 months vacation. counting down~~~~~CNY, sa birthday, valentine's day coming soon. but all these events are during week 6-8 of the term. hmm will there be time? hope so.this vacation i decided to go for the nepal community service trip. tat will also be 1 of my cds tat i have to take. think its gonna be fun spending 10 days there helping them set up com labs or stuffs like tat. more of the experience and to see the country etc ^^ didnt buy any digi cam in last time. if not can take some pics. my parents also very cute. $1500 the whole price they say split among me, dad, mum, each $500. lol...Attended a grooming + business etiquette course today from 9-11.30am by Ms Audrey Quek. she's a miss singapore in 1999, now as the principal consultant in her own image consultancy company i think. lol its pretty fun and interesting the stuffs she went through. there's even fine dining etiquette. at the end of it i went to get her business card. lol >.<>
kinda stoned these days. theres loads to do, but sometimes it seemed i got blocked somewhere. doing the assignments halfway and suddenly found myself staring into blank and cant continue at all. not sure why though. many many submissions this semester. next sem will be better i think, tats why all lecturers said. there will only be 2 electives if i go for the nepal trip. 2 electives which is 10 hrs a week of school only. =O
things are gonna be better i suppose. any1 has any songs to send? i have about 600+ songs in my folder but i seemed to keep hearing the same songs everytime -.-
hope ur happy =)
7:52 AM
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
RANDOM RANTSSSSSS
It's a long time since i last posted. School reopened. 6 and a half more weeks to semester holidays. But everything seems to be going into the pits. I always thought that this problem between us will not affect me anymore. Not like in the past. I wanna make sure personal matters do not affect my school/work life. But it seems like my friends are right. The problems are subconsciously making me slower and slower. Im getting affected. Shit...I really don't understand. Why are you doing things like this suddenly. Seriously sometimes u make me think that you really zzzz. Why have you changed so much. Why are you ignoring me nowadays. Why are you treating me worse than a friend. Why do you talk to me in such hostility. Why do you get angry over me with such small matters. Why are you so petty over small things. Why don't you tell me anything. If you are gonna be like that with me, why didn't you wanna break up for the moment like i suggested that night. You said you haven't make up your mind. You said you didn't thought of that before. Are you sure????? You said you don't wanna break up yet cos you still wanna give chances. So give chances..... by doing such shitty things on me? Seriously, please go and think. Think of the way you treat people. Or rather, think of the way you treat me. Is it justified? You don't like to do things you don't wanna do. So why do you keep making me do that? it's not like I wanna break up or what. Sometimes you really make me think that you really changed too much. Even when I'm feeling down or something, I just wanna talk to you. Just a simple chat, or looking at the stuffs you are shopping online. These small, little simple things will cheer me up too. But what do i get? You tell me not to bother you when I'm sian, when I'm tired, when I'm angry or whatever. Is this what a girlfriend should say to a boyfriend when he is feeling down? Even if you don't wanna listen to my downs, can't you at least like tell me? In stead of saying that it will make you moodless or change you mood or whatever nonsense. Even after doing all these, you still expect me to change to give you what I want. You are right in front of me, but yet I don't recognise you at all. Where is the you I loved ages ago. I know that ou think I'm not the same too. But do I do all these to you? Do i treat you the way you treated me? I really don't know. There was once when its so 'yuan wang' for me. It's not I wanna show off or whatever. I knew you had trouble writing essays. I knew you had trouble with grammar sometimes. I wanna help you improve. I just merely correct a spelling mistake. You shot me back. Saying I made you feel useless or whatever. Like O.O??? I'm helping you to improve, why are you shooting me down? I even said it in a proper way, not in a sarcastic or egoistic way, and I got such a return. Seriously I don't understand you these days.Seriously hope this thing will stop affecting my school. I wanna concentrate on my remaining semesters. I wanna get my distinctions that I missed out from year 1 til now. I wanna get my overseas SIP. I wanna get my competition wins. I wanna get my 1K into 10K. I wanna get my driving license and my own car before I get into the army. I wanna prove to all who thought I can't do it or discourage me to do it. I wanna prove to my very own brother that he is not better than me. I know this is a shitty post but who cares. No1 comes to read it anyway. This page where you once set up with me, do you still visit it? Is it going to turn into a page where I throw all my troubles in? Is it going to turn into a page where I post all my achievements? I really don't know.1. Going through a tiring school routine now, with numerous submissions every week. NUMEROUS until even the lecturers themselves said they gonna postpone the submissions -.- 2. Going through a rough time with my ex group mates now. Totally like friends into disacquaintance. Door's opening soon for me. I hope I don't even need to open this door. ZZZ Some things never changed. I still love you. But I can't stand the way you treat me/do things.
Bye. ignore this post
7:41 AM